The Common Rule Youth Edition (eBook)

THE SCIENCE OF HABIT

In the book The Power of Habit, it says, “When a habit is formed, the brain stops fully participating in decision-making. The patterns we have unfold automatically.”2

In other words, whether we are aware of it or not, we all have habits that shape how we live our lives. And that can be a good thing, because when we act on our habits, it frees up brain space for other thoughts. That’s why we can walk between classes and suddenly arrive in our next class without thinking about a single step we’ve taken. Instead of consciously deciding where to go, we’ve been talking with a friend or thinking about tonight’s game.

Scientifically, habits help our brains to be multi-functional. This is really useful in general, but it has downsides.

And if we’re acting out a bad habit—one that reinforces an addiction, perpetuates a harmful pattern of thought, or encourages mindless submission to technology—we don’t have much power to fight back.

Think about your phone. How often do you check it? Research shows the average teen looks at it more than 100 times a day, for over five hours on average. Some check it nearly 500 times a day!3 (Even adults average over three hours a day.) Students use their phone at school and at home. All day. Every day.

There’s something unhealthy and maybe even wrong about that. We can tell ourselves over and over that we want to break free from that tiny screen and experience more of real life. But the part of our brain that changes a habit is exactly the part that gets shut out when the autopilot of habit turns on.

When we’re on autopilot, our choices—even the unconscious ones—shape us and form us, and we develop patterns that we would never consciously choose.

THE THEOLOGY OF HABIT

This is why to fully understand habits we must think of habits as liturgies. A liturgy is a pattern of words or actions repeated regularly as a way of worship. I’m not only talking about what we sing or say at church; we worship anything by honoring and being devoted. Worship through liturgy involves our thoughts and our time and our lives. For example, I say the Lord’s Prayer every night because I want the words of Jesus’ prayer to sink down into my bones.

So do you see how similar liturgy is to habit? They’re both something repeated over and over that influences who we are. The only difference is that a liturgy admits that it’s an act of worship. Our habits often obscure what we’re really worshiping, but that doesn’t mean we’re not worshiping something. Because worship is often a reflection of our time and attention. And our habits reveal what we each believe is most worthy of our time and attention.

So the question for us is: What are we worshiping?

When we combine the idea that our habits are liturgies of worship, along with the scientific insight that our brains aren’t totally engaged when our habits are playing out, it explains how our unconscious habits form much more than our schedules—they form our hearts.

Take a look at the chart on the next page to see how this works in a daily routine.

All of these liturgies of wrong belief play a part in creating anxiety. And anxiety is a growing problem. Studies show that one out of three teenagers will experience an anxiety disorder. Between the pressure to succeed that many feel from parents and teachers, a world that often feels scary and out of control, and the demands of social media, it’s hard not to feel anxious sometimes.4

But go back and look at the chart. Which one do you think is especially dangerous? It’s the last one: the freedom liturgy.

We assume the good life comes from having the freedom to do whatever we want in each moment. But when we live out the “no-limits-none-ever” freedom liturgy, we actually miss out on the good life.

This chart has two columns: the left column is titled "Habit " and the right column is titled "Liturgy of Wrong Belief, " and each column has five boxes in it. The first habit box says, "Wake up exhausted again, because I never get to bed on time. " The corresponding wrong belief box says, "My body will be fine. I can push harder than regular people. I am a god. " The second habit box says, "Check my texts and social media before getting out of bed. " The corresponding wrong belief box says, "I can miss a quiet time, but I can't miss what's happening. Unless I'm posting and getting followed, I'm not worth anything. " The third habit box says, "Grab fast food or dinner in my room, while everyone else in my family eats together. " The corresponding wrong belief box says, "Being too busy is normal. To be important, I need to stay busy. " The fourth habit box says, "Keep my phone on and within arm's reach at all times. " The corresponding wrong belief box says, "The most important thing is the most recent thing. The best way to love my neighbors is to stay updated on friends, school drama, and new memes, not to do focused work. " The fifth and final habit box says, "Even when the best word to describe life is 'scattered' or 'busy,' resist any rules that restrict technology use and extracurricular activities. " The corresponding wrong belief box says, "To limit myself is to restrict my freedom. The good life comes from choosing to do what I want, when I want. "

What if the good life comes not from having the ability to do what we want, but from having the ability to do what we were made for? What if true freedom comes from choosing the right limits, not avoiding all limits?

As I look back on that night in the restaurant with my friends, it was a defining moment in my life, because I finally surrendered the keystone habit of freedom. I decided that following a framework of limits was a better way of life.

And that’s when everything changed.

I had lived my whole life thinking that all limits ruin freedom—when all along it’s the opposite: the right limits create freedom.

This...