Amazing Dads! Fatherhood Curriculum, Facilitator's Guide

DAN GRIFFIN is the author of A Man’s Way Through Relationships and A Man’s Way through the Twelve Steps, and co-author of Helping Men Recover and the forthcoming What Men Would Tell You if They Weren’t Too Busy Watching TV. Dan earned a Master’s degree in Sociology from the University of Kansas. HARRISON CRAWFORD has worked in the field of mental health for more than 10 years and is a Licensed Professional Counselor with additional licensure focused on addictive disorders. Harrison completed his graduate work at Argosy University in Phoenix, earning Master’s degrees in Mental Health Counseling and Sport-Exercise Psychology.

Acknowledgments xiii

1 Research and Theory 1

Male Socialization 1

Values- Based Paradigm 3

A Trauma- Informed Fatherhood Curriculum 4

Male Socialization and Trauma 9

Men with Trauma: What Happens Next? 10

Why Focus on Fathers? 11

“It’s not Trauma” 13

Toxic Water and Traumatic Stigmatization 15

Healing Fathers’ Trauma 15

Conscious Masculinity and Conscious Fatherhood 16

2 Facilitating the Amazing Dads! Program 17

Toxic Water 17

Supporting Conscious Masculinity and Conscious Fatherhood 19

Structure and Content of the Program 20

The Facilitator Philosophy 21

The Facilitator 23

Creating and Maintaining a Safe Container 24

Consistent Communication 24

Consistent Structure 24

The Healing Journey for Facilitators 26

Supervision and Facilitator Self- care 27

Facilitating the Program 28

Surface to Depth 30

Five Relational Postures 31

The Sessions 32

Facilitator Notes and Suggested Dialogue 32

Timing 33

Components of the Sessions 33

Check- In 33

Breathing Exercise 34

Grounding Exercise 34

Feelings/Body Check- In 34

Lectures 35

Interactive Lectures 35

Discussions/Focus Questions 35

Subgroup Discussions 36

Activities 36

Debriefing 36

Check- Out 36

Assignment and Close 36

The Different Learning Styles 37

Organizational Considerations 37

The Workbook 38

Conclusion 39

References 40

Facilitator Survey 42

Meeting 1: Engaging the Father Within 43

Pre- meeting Notes and Prep 43

Meeting Overview and Suggested Timing 43

Introductions – 15 minutes 44

Orientation to Program & Group Agreements – 20 minutes 45

Grounding and Relaxation Exercises – 15 minutes 48

Expectations – What Do You Want to Get Out of This Group? – 15 minutes 53

Group Discussion: What Is Fatherhood? – 35 minutes 54

Commitment to Conscious Fatherhood – 5 minutes 55

Check- Out – 10 minutes 56

Assignments & Close – 5 minutes 57

Meeting 2: The Man Rules 59

Pre- meeting Notes and Prep 59

Meeting Overview and Suggested Timing 59

Check- In Process – 20 minutes 60

Mini- Lecture: The Water – 10 minutes 66

Activity: The Man Rules – 40 minutes 68

Activity: Components of Healthy Fathering – 15 minutes 73

Activity: Subgroup Discussions – 20 minutes 75

Closing Thoughts on the Rules 76

Check- Out – 10 minutes 77

Assignment & Close – 5 minutes 78

Meeting 3: Toxic Water 79

Pre- meeting Notes and Prep 79

Meeting Overview and Suggested Timing 80

Check- In – 15 minutes 80

Lecture: The Toxins in The Water – 25 minutes 83

Check- In Scale Introduction: What’s Your Number? – 5 minutes 88

Small Group Discussion: The Shoes of Another – 30 minutes 88

Large Group Discussion: Cleansing The Water – 30 minutes 90

Check- Out – 10 minutes 92

Assignment & Close – 5 minutes 92

For Facilitators: Prompts for Shoes of Another Exercise 93

Meeting 4: Dads and Trauma: Breaking the Cycle 94

Pre- meeting Notes and Prep 94

Meeting Overview and Suggested Timing 95

Check- In – 15 minutes 95

Interactive Lecture: What Is Trauma? – 20 minutes 98

Interactive Lecture: Dads and Trauma – 35 minutes 101

Activity: The Colors of Life – 25 minutes 105

Check- Out – 10 minutes 106

Exercise: Five Senses Mindfulness – 10 minutes 106

Assignment & Close – 5 minutes 108

Meeting 5: Making the Connections – Mental Health, Addiction, and Trauma 111

Pre- meeting Notes and Prep 111

Meeting Overview and Suggested Timing 112

Check- In – 15 minutes 112

Lecture: Adverse Childhood Experiences – 25 minutes 114

Mini- Lecture: Mental Health and Addiction – 5 minutes 117

Small Group Activity: Let’s Get Real – 35 minutes 120

Activity: Juggling My Life – 25 minutes 121

Check- Out – 10 minutes 125

Assignment & Close – 5 minutes 126

Meeting 6: Feelings… Nothing More than Feelings 128

Pre- meeting Notes and Prep 128

Meeting Overview and Suggested Timing 128

Check- In – 15 minutes 129

Mini- Lecture: Men and Feelings – 5 minutes 132

Mini- Lecture: The Anger Funnel – 15 minutes 133

Activity: Digging Deeper and Sharing Feelings – 50 minutes 136

Activity: A Picture of Anger – 15 minutes 138

Check- Out – 15 minutes 140

Assignment & Close – 5 minutes 142

Meeting 7: Exploring Family Dynamics, Past and Present 143

Pre- meeting Notes and Prep 143

Meeting Overview and Suggested Timing 144

Check- In – 15 minutes 144

Activity: The Woman Rules – 15 minutes 147

Activity: Family Sculpture – 40 minutes 148

Discussion: Debriefing the Family Sculpture – 15 minutes 155

Activity: Creating Family of Origin Collage – 15 minutes 157

Check- Out – 15 minutes 158

Assignment & Close – 5 minutes 160

Meeting 8: Father of Mine 162

Pre- meeting Notes and Prep 162

Meeting Overview and Suggested Timing 163

Check- In – 10 minutes 163

Activity: Sharing Family of Origin Collages – 15 minutes 166

Activity: Identifying Expectations for Fathers – 35 minutes 167

Subgroup Discussions: Relationships with Our Fathers – 35 minutes 170

Check- Out – 15 minutes 172

Assignments & Close – 10 minutes 173

Meeting 9: Mothers 176

Pre- meeting Notes and Prep 176

Meeting Overview and Suggested Timing 177

Check- In – 10 minutes 177

Activity: Reading Father Letters – 25 minutes 179

Optional Discussion with Any Dad Who Did Not Do the Letter/Project 181

Interactive Lecture: Mother Rules and Expectations – 30 minutes 182

Subgroup Discussions: Relationships with Our Mothers – 30 minutes 186

Check- Out – 15 minutes 187

Assignments & Close – 10 minutes 189

Meeting 10: Healthy Relationships Are for Us Too! 191

Pre- meeting Notes and Prep 191

Meeting Overview and Suggested Timing 192

Check- In – 10 minutes 192

Activity: Reading Letters to Mothers – 25 minutes 194

Interactive Lecture: Healthy Relationships – 15 minutes 197

Activity: Repairing – 45 minutes 199

Mini- Lecture: Men, Trauma, and Relationships – 5 minutes 203

Check- Out – 15 minutes 204

Assignments & Close – 5 minutes 206

Meeting 11: Communication Is Key 208

Pre- meeting Notes and Prep 208

Meeting Overview and Suggested Timing 208

Check- In – 15 minutes 209

Interactive Lecture: Men and Communication – 25 minutes 214

Lecture: PAR (Pause, Assess, Respond) – 20 minutes 218

Modeling Listening Skills – 10 minutes 221

Activity: Back- to- Back Drawing – 30 minutes 223

Check- Out – 15 minutes 225

Assignments & Close – 5 minutes 226

Meeting 12: Let’s Talk About Sex 230

Pre- meeting Notes and Prep 230

Meeting Overview and Suggested Timing 231

Check- In – 15 minutes 231

Activity: Sex and Feelings – 20 minutes 236

Interactive Lecture: Sexuality and Intimacy – 40 minutes 240

Activity & Discussion: What I Wish I had Known – 25 minutes 243

Check- Out – 15 minutes 244

Assignments & Close – 5 minutes 244

Meeting 13: Let’s REALLY Talk About Sex 246

Pre- meeting Notes and Prep 246

Meeting Overview and Suggested Timing 246

Check- In – 15 Minutes 247

Activity: Let’s Talk About Sex – 40 Minutes 251

Interactive Lecture: The Importance of Consent – 20 Minutes 254

Subgroup Activity: “The Sex Talk” – 30 Minutes 257

Check- Out – 15 Minutes 258

Assignments & Close – 5 Minutes 259

Meeting 14: Men’s Health 261

Pre- meeting Notes and Prep 261

Meeting Overview and Suggested Timing 261

Check- In – 15 minutes 262

Interactive Lecture: What Is Wellness and Why Does It Matter? – 40 minutes 266

Subgroup Activity: My Physical Health – 30 minutes 273

Subgroup Activity: Creating a Plan for Your Wellness – 20 minutes 274

Check- Out – 10 minutes 275

Assignments & Close – 5 minutes 276

Meeting 15: Healthy Discipline 277

Pre- meeting Notes and Prep 277

Meeting Overview and Suggested Timing 278

Check- In – 15 minutes 278

Interactive Lecture: Defining Discipline – 15 minutes 283

Subgroup Discussions: Healthy Discipline – 25 minutes 285

Activity: Abuse and Discipline – 40 minutes 287

Debrief and Wrap- Up of Discipline and Abuse 290

Mini- Lecture: Stopping the Cycle – 5 minutes 292

Check- Out – 15 minutes 294

Assignment & Close – 5 minutes 295

Meeting 16: The Art of Play 297

Pre- meeting Notes and Prep 297

Meeting Overview and Suggested Timing 298

Check- In – 15 minutes 298

Lecture: The Importance of Play – 10 minutes 301

Large Group Discussion: How Do You Play? – 15 minutes 302

Subgroup Discussions: Teachable Moments – 35 minutes 304

Activity: Playtime! – 25 minutes 306

Check- Out – 15 minutes 307

Assignment & Close – 5 minutes 308

Meeting 17: A Balancing Act 310

Pre- meeting Notes and Prep 310

Meeting Overview and Suggested Timing 311

Check- In – 15 minutes 311

Subgroup Discussions: Finding Balance – 35 minutes 314

Activity: Bullseye – 15 minutes 316

Activity: My Amazing Dad Action Plan – 35 minutes 319

Check- Out – 15 minutes 320

Assignment & Close – 5 minutes 321

Meeting 18: Vision of Fatherhood 324

Pre- meeting Notes and Prep 324

Meeting Overview and Suggested Timing 325

Check- In – 15 minutes 326

Activity: Coat of Arms – 30 minutes 328

Activity: Coat of Arms Presentations – 30 minutes 330

Activity: Connections Made – 25 minutes 330

Check- Out and Close – 20 minutes 334